Nothing can prepare you for what it’ll be like when you lose someone you love. You know that death is a part of life, but you really don’t know how you’ll react when it happens.

The pain may hit differently if the deceased is a parent, your own child, a significant other, a sibling, a distant relative, or a friend. But still, you must deal with the pain and go through the healing process, or else you could lose your mind. The experience is even worse if you were really attached to that person.

At first, it’s not unusual to feel numb. At some point, you may feel lost and confused. The pain could feel so intense that it may feel like someone had literally ripped your heart out. You may even hyperventilate because your heart could beat so fast as your mind races to grasp the news that your loved one is gone…forever.

What you are experiencing may feel so surreal, like you’re dreaming. Then you may start to hear that person’s voice in your head. Or you may even look up and envision them walking into the room. But alas, you know that’s just your imagination, which is what makes losing them so hard.

Death is related to life. We all know that. But it’s still a mystery. Even the people who have had an NDE or the gurus who time-travel don’t all have the answer to what death really is. You could be a stark believer in the afterlife, paradise, or even think that the deceased is now with GOD, but your heart will still ache for them. You’ll still miss them. No one has the answers that will bring the person back.

So, can you heal your heart after losing a loved one? The answer is Yes. Yes, you can, but it won’t happen overnight. It’s a process.

Again, everyone has their own coping mechanism. You must find what works for you. Regardless of what you choose to help heal your heart and help you continue to wake up in the morning, remember that the main thing you’ll need is time. Time heals, but only if you’re willing to help time help you heal. Time doesn’t heal on its own. You must be a willing participant in the healing process.

For example, someone I cared for deeply was assassinated nearly six months ago, and I almost lost it. I never thought that I would be myself again in less than 2 years. However, my guardians sent me a guardian to help me navigate my sense of loss, pain, anger, and disappointment. Without that, I would still be wallowing in pain. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t believe he was gone. I was hurting. And it was a deep pain. However, I allowed myself to grieve in my own way to help my heart and my mind.

So, you must face the experience of loss; don’t try to cover up the pain. It’s okay to cry whenever you feel like your heart can’t take it anymore. You can also give a few of these suggestions a try:

• • • • Engage in more outdoor activities (solo at first; even a walk will do)
      • Sign up for an online class
      • Write in your journal
      • Read
      • Go out with true friends when you’re ready (if you’re not a homebody)
      • Watch movies that’ll make you laugh (no sad movies!)
      • Meditate
      • Draw
      • Set up an altar and talk to the deceased (if you can handle it)

Tell them that you hope they’re okay, but that you’re doing fine. As more time passes, you’ll start to feel less pain. You can never forget someone dear to you, but in due time, you’ll be able to cry less. Just be patient with yourself. Everyone’s pace of healing varies as they go through the different phases of grieving. Find what works for you and start healing.

Happy Living,

FINA ORIA